Parents are amazing animals. The vast majority of people agree that playing sports is good for children and that it should be largely characterized by play and fun.
On the other hand, there is a lot of disagreement about a number of things in training – and not least in matches. How many training sessions a week should children have?
How many minutes each player should have.
Why can’t my boy/girl play more?
Not least the strange concept of having to “coach” your own son/daughter. – Per, run over there. Do this. Go like this.
All of this has led to the development of a set of parental rules. One of the rules is that the parents must be on the other side of the pitch from the coach during matches. In many cases – including my own – it’s perfectly fine for them to stand on my side. Most of them are keen to cheer up the boys on the pitch and talk them up.
I’m fortunate to be part of a team where we struggle with minimal of these issues. The parent group is great, supportive and despite losing 34-2 in some games, the focus is on the two goals that are scored when the game is over.
However, as one of the two main managers responsible for Sør Cup, we experience quite a few cases of the opposite. In many cases, it’s parents who want to bring out their own sporting potential in their child. Whether in terms of playing time or skills on the team. Many want to be there for their child, but confuse “being there for the child” with “being there for THEIR child”. The difference is in the word “HIS”; you think more about your own child than the team as a whole. You want to control the coach, influence and ensure that your child gets as many minutes on the pitch as possible.
We have many conversations about football with different clubs and coaches, and the story we most often tell to illustrate some of the points above is this one:
It happened on Flekkerøy a bunch of years ago. Flekkerøy is where children’s football is played, i.e. those aged 8 to 12. In one of the matches, there was a little boy in goal. The boy wasn’t particularly interested in standing in goal, and thought it was more exciting to stand and watch all the fun happening around him instead.
He looked at the other matches, at the ponies that then rode around the courts.
On the bouncy castles, and on the slides. And he thought about EVERYTHING BUT football. At least about his own match. Because the other team was scoring and scoring. The goals were pouring in. He couldn’t have cared less from where he stood.
During the break, a clearly annoyed mother approached the coach and asked in a very stern voice; “WHAT are you going to do about this goalkeeping problem?”
The team didn’t win that game. But the boy was in goal in the second half too. “We’re rooting for all the volunteer coaches and the work they do. We’re rooting for the parents too, but mostly we’re rooting for the people on the sidelines cheering the team on.